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Tale of the Wandering Bragg, The

by Nate Berry and Sport Moran
At the [C] Pennsic of heat, mud, and rain
Baron Bragg knew he couldn't com- [G] plain
he would [C] ride to the North
as the [F] dead all came forth
to spend [C] Samhain with [G] Celts of the [C] plain

As the war was waging he wondered
could more time with the Tuatha be plundered?
Would Christianna be pissed
at opportunity missed?
could this magical journey be conjured?

( Chorus 1
[C] Bragg rode in to LaGuard-i-ay
Wing to wheel to [G] tunnel to rail
[C] Bragg rode in to La- [F] Guard-i-ay
[C] Braggot to [G] mead to [C] Pumpkin ale! )

His journey seemed clear when it started
but Bragg from his patience soon parted
as he came then to find
transportation was blind
and he'd have gotten there faster if carted

His passage was booked with great cheer
as the price was the best of the year
but all the conveyance
were held in abeyance
and they said "You can't get there from here!"

Chorus 1

Years later at the Pennsic XL
Bragg wished with the Bhriain to dwell
but every domicile he tried to form
was destroyed by terrific storms
and he forgot all his ma­ter­i­al

At the Eagle he ordered a dish
Christianna had only one wish
But when it wasn't expedient
to learn the ingredient
Christianna yelled "More Joy, Less Fish!"

( Chorus 2
Bragg rode in on his holiday
Fixin' to plan his tarp on the ground
Bragg rode in on his holiday
The dude a­bides
where the Bhriain are found. )

Playing music in Norseland one night
we were bothered like a mosquito bite
by Hedge-hogs' who were amped
near where Bhriain was camped
soon our Bragg-grenade's pin was in flight

Nights of music and magic were made
in the daytime we sat in the shade
while he cooked we would salivate
over a wood fire he'd fabricate
whether he grilled, or fried, or sauteed

Baron Bragg, he has a unique style
The jingling can be heard half a mile
He sounds the part
Like a tinker’s cart
When he trips and lands in a pile

Bragg’s new love, she didn’t live near
But the solution quickly 'came clear
Much to his liking
He moved in with a Viking
Now he’s buried in snow half the year.

( Chorus 3
Bragg moved north to the Mountains of Green
Just a stone’s throw from the Bhriain’s domain
Bragg moved north to the Mountains of Green
The Yankee Highlands will ne'er be the same. )

The handfasting went off without hassle
Even Katrina showed up (through her vassal)
But he didn't have the foresight
when he asked for music all night
To think they'd play him to the Port-a-Castle

In the marital bed he was quite strong
and the musicians followed with a song
and true to his name
Bragg did loudly exclaim
If done right it doesn't take long!

Chorus 3

Bragg is known to be quite proud
of his ability to be exceedingly loud
but when Katerina sees fit
to challenge this bit
he lets go with a gaseous cloud.

Rain had threatened to wash Norseland away
but all of E23 saved the day
for without them we’d suffer,
as we needed the buffer
from Elsewhere’s late night morality play

Bragg handled his chariot with skill
as he rode toward his camp down the hill
when a large metal plate
dropped off at the front gate
and he decided it would make a nice grill

( Chorus 4
With long braided locks and a warriors heart
He fought with a frenzy, courageous and bold
With long braided locks and a warriors heart
was the Wandering Bragg in this tale I have told! )

Bragg marched up to town as required
and loaded his cart with ice he acquired
but on the way back,
he was stopped in his tracks
when a worried lady
thought the old man was tired

but the heat and the sun didn’t phase him
as he stood over a fire which was blazing
to cook our bacony feast
and Comyn’s balls of yeast
and his swineapple was simply amazing!

Chorus 4